The girl sat on the couch and waited.

She had been there for hours, perhaps minutes. The girl did not know how much time had passed. Nor did she care. In her mind there was only one thought.

(This sucks. Ain't they got nothin' to eat in this dump?)

A skinny teenaged boy came over to the couch. "How are you today? I'm Doctor Moroboshi. I hear you have amnesia. Have you ever had it before? Never mind, don't answer that."

The girl tried to think. "I remember running around outside last night in the rain... before that, nothing. I don't know where I'm from, or what I did, or even what my favorite teams in sports are. I'm pretty sure I don't like the taste of Spam, though."

"Well, that narrows down who you might be. When you were brought here, you said 'Damn, my head hurts' a couple of times. Do you think that could be your name?"

"Don't know. Could be. It gives me... a weird feeling... like it's a true statement."

The girl looked at the doctor. He appeared to be nothing more than a teenage boy, wearing a simple T-shirt and jeans. His examination room seemed to have no medical equipment whatsoever; from all appearances it was an ordinary living room.

There was only one explanation. This doctor worked for an HMO.

Doctor Moroboshi moved onto the couch, close enough to make the girl uncomfortable. "Look, Damn, I'll have to be honest with you here. You might think that this amnesia stuff is caused by something simple, like your drinking one of Urd's potions by mistake. No, I'm afraid you seem to have suffered a massive emotional trauma, the kind of thing that happens when a guy gets dumped by a chick that he likes."

"I'm going to apply a series of whaddayacallit, stimulus." He slid his hands around her waist. "Tell me if this makes you remember anything."

Nothing. The girl experienced a feeling of angst and depression, like being in a deathfic. Obviously they had kicked her out from wherever she was from; but couldn't they have let her keep her memories? She was pretty sure she had known the locations of some good restaurants.

"How about this?" The doctor put his hands on the girl's breasts and started to fondle them.

"Aaaaa!!!! Cut that out, you stupid pervert!! I remember already! I'm a guy!!! And tell that to the narrator too!!" The girl -- er, guy -- punted Moroboshi across the room.

============================================================================

SCENE: Urd, Kyosuke, and Mamoru watch through a crack in the kitchen door. Suddenly Ataru bursts through, chased by an angry onna-Ranma. They run past the camera and out of view.

URD: I could've just given Ranma the antidote for that potion. Not much of a doctor, is he?

KYOSUKE: Well, he did cure Ranma's amnesia, so he must have had something.

MAMORU: Maybe it was his bedside manner? There aren't any HMOs in Japan, by the way.

KYOSUKE: It's just a parody, you should really just relax.

============================================================================

(Thanx to Dave Eddy for pre-reading.)

Akane twisted the dial, and voices from her radio filled the room.

"...Public Affairs Radio, and I'm your host, Kinnosuke Cashew. Today's guests are a couple of students from Furinkan High School, Hiroshi Chapatsu and Daisuke Mifune."

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Guys, everybody's talking about this old man's underwear that was stolen. Now, you're friends with some of the people who live at that house, isn't that correct?"

"Can I just say here that this underwear theft was a terrible, vicious crime, and that the perpetrator should be caught and punished?"

"Oh, sure, you can say that, Hiroshi. What do you think, Daisuke?"

"I think that this underwear theft was a terrible, vicious crime, and that the perpetrator should be caught and punished."

"Hey, didn't I already say the same thing?"

"Um, I guess so. I figured it couldn't hurt to say it again."

"Now, boys, you two are very typical high school students, and certainly not the types who someone would slip five hundred yen to come on a radio show and say what she wanted you to say, am I right?"

"Oh, absolutely."

"Yeah, it was only four hundred."

"Shut up, dummy! Anyway, one thing that Daisuke and I do that isn't so typical is write fanfiction."

"Oh really? I wasn't aware of that."

"I guess it's another of those things that Takahashi forgot to mention."

Kinnosuke chuckled. It was a running gag for him to blame his research director, Abe Takahashi, for any piece of relevant information that he hadn't been briefed on before the show.

"Fanfiction is great. You write stories about characters that you take from anime or movies or somewhere like that, and you post them to the internet. When you write something really good, you get made a 'big name author' and then women everywhere are hot for you."

"Hiroshi's right. In fact, he and I have written a fic inspired by this underwear incident, which we've brought to read on your show."

"I'm sure our listeners would love to hear that. Go right ahead, guys."

"Righteous Rage, by Hiroshi and Daisuke. Ahem. Sailor Moon sat in her...."

"Disclaimer!"

"Oh yeah. Thanks, 'roshi. Disclaimer: We can't be bothered to give credit to the author whose character we're using. Nevertheless, please don't sue us."

"It's a joke. Ha ha."

"Anyway. Sailor Moon sat in her living room, reading the newspaper article about the old man whose underwear was stolen. 'This was a terrible, vicious crime,' she said, 'and that the perpetrator should be caught and punished.'"

"Er... that's it, is it?"

"I bet those women are lining up outside our doors right now."

» Read More

THE MASTER'S
UNDERTHINGS

Ranma 1/2 manga fanfiction
(with guest appearances from Oh My Goddess! and Maison Ikkoku)
by Gary Kleppe


The characters and storylines of Ranma 1/2 and Maison Ikkoku are the creation of Rumiko Takahashi. The characters of Oh My Goddess! (Aa, Megamisama!) are the creation of Kosuke Fujishima. All uses of these characters in this story is without permission or legal right. Permission is granted to copy and distribute this story, provided that you maintain credit to the above authors and myself, you do not alter it substantially without permission, and it is not made available on an internet site which carries commercial advertising or otherwise used for profit.

Thanks to Chan Wei Lik and KaraOhki for prereading the earlier sections of this story, and to FFIRC Hour Challenge group 1 in which most of the later material was written. As always, all feedback is welcomed and encouraged.



The phone rang.

Zhen Guairen ignored the noise, preferring to remain floating beneath the cool and still waters of his meditative state. Blind rage was a weakness he could ill afford, for his enemy (his most hated enemy, may his name be spat upon and reviled by a thousand generations to come) would surely use it against him. He needed the sharpness and clarity of mind that meditation would bring. When the time came, he would deliver his killing strike, as swift and precise as the deadliest predator, and the world would be cleansed of the presence of the hated one (may he burn for all eternity in the deepest pits of the underworld).

The phone rang again, and again. And again. Zhen picked up the receiver and placed it to his ear, but did not speak.

"Hello?" a voice came. "Hello? Is anyone there?"

"Tell the evil one that his existence is at an end!" Zhen shouted into the phone. "For soon he shall feel the sting of righteous vengeance!"

"Good evening, sir. I'm calling to let you know how you can save up to forty percent on your...."

"Bah!" Zhen threw the receiver back onto its cradle, with such force that it shook the table on which it stood. Such trivialities would not distract him. For crimes beyond measure, for evil beyond comprehension, the hated Master Happosai would soon perish. And Zhen Guairen's hand would be the one that slew him.

But first Zhen needed to complete the bargain he'd made. And for that, he needed Momotaru to undertake a mission for him. So where was....

As if on queue, the house trembled, as something slammed into the wall from outside. Chunks of plaster cracked off and scattered onto the floor. Another impact sent debris flying into the air, leaving a window-sized hole, and a third smashed the entire section of wall to rubble.

Zhen glared sternly at the hulking brute on the other side of the demolished wall. "Momotaru."

"Um...." The man's eyes momentarily narrowed, as if he'd just been asked a particularly difficult question. "Yeah?"

"Did I not tell you to use the door?" He continued before Momotaru could answer. "Were not my very words to you 'While I appreciate the value of an assistant who is strong enough to smash through a wall with his bare hands, nevertheless next time you are to use the door?'"

"Yeah."

"And why, then, did you not do as I instructed?"

"I did."

Zhen eyed him skeptically.

Momotaru glanced back toward a pile of wood scraps which littered the ground where he had entered. "It broke the second time I hit the wall with it. I had to finish busting through by hand."

"I... see," Zhen said with a sigh. His own fault, he supposed, for having forgotten who he was dealing with. He had been told, by Momotaru's mother no less, that the boy had a mind like a computer. And in a way, it was true.

No matter. After all, the owner of this estate, one Inai Rusu, wouldn't be needing it anytime soon. Rusu had been scheduled to return from his vacation in Hong Kong on the tenth of the month; Zhen had met his flight at Tokyo airport, and, with one quick and decisive stroke, rerouted his luggage to Sao Paulo. By the time he managed to track it down, justice would be satisfied and Zhen long gone.

"I have a job for you, Momotaru. Go to the Tendo residence. I've already told you where it is." Giving directions would have been pointless; for Momotaru, a straight line was evidently the only path between two points. Fortunately, he always seemed to know which direction to head to get where he was going. "Once there, you will steal a personal item belonging to the hated Master Happosai. Anything which would have been kept close to his body enough to retain his scent. And I don't want you smashing another hole in the wall when you return. Is that quite clear?"

"Um, yeah." Momotaru scratched his bulky head. "What should I take?"

"Do I have to think of everything?" Stupid question. "Something like... like...."

All at once, the perfect answer came to him. So utterly appropriate. And it would be a message, a harbinger of the doom that would soon befall the hated one. And Zhen Guairen laughed.

» Read More

TENSHI

Ranma 1/2 manga fanfiction
by Gary Kleppe


The characters of Ranma 1/2 are the creation of and rightful property of Rumiko Takahashi. They are used here without permission. This story may be freely redistributed, but it should not be altered substantially or used for profit in any way. Just in case anyone might be misled by the name: this story has absolutely nothing to do with Pioneer's "Tenchi" series.

Thanks to the FFIRC Hour Challenge crew for their comments on the earlier drafts of this. All feedback is welcomed.



"Welcome to Ucchan's. I'll be with you in a minute, sugar."

Tenshi nodded as he sat at the counter. "Sure. Thanks." The waitress who'd greeted him poured a cupful of dough onto the grill; it sizzled and steamed as she patted it into shape with a spatula.

He ran his eyes furtively across the restaurant, making mental notes of the possibilities. A dead mouse in the kitchen. An anonymous call to the health inspector. It would be easy. The place would be shut down within days, and the owners would never have any clue who was responsible.

But that wasn't what he was here for.

The waitress stepped over to him. "What would you like, hon?" Her uniform was complete with about twenty mini-spatulas in front, plus a giant one in back. Cute. He'd always said, gimmicks like that make the customers remember your restaurant and keep coming back. Especially when the waitress had the face and body that a guy doesn't forget.

"Gimme the deluxe," he said. "And a beer. And tell the owner that I'd like to have a word with her." He nodded toward the woman in the kimono, obviously the owner, who stood on the other side pouring tea for another customer.

"We don't have any beer," she answered with a smirk. "And I happen to be the owner, sugar." She poured another cup of dough on the grill, and it began cooking.

"Are you, now. Well, well." He shifted lazily on his stool, lowering his voice. "Got a little proposition for you, miss restaurant owner."

"The name's Ukyo," she said a little warily. "Ukyo Kuonji. What'd you have in mind, mister customer?"

He dug into his pocket and pulled out a business card. "Here."

She scanned the card. "P. Tenshi, business consultant? That's a little vague, honey. What kind of consulting do you do?"

Tenshi took a second look at the young woman. Long, silky ebony hair, held in place by a ribbon, cascaded down past her flawlessly perfect face and ample chest to her narrow waist. Four stars. No, five. Five stars meant that a babe was gorgeous enough that he'd do it with her then and there, in front of everyone.

"I'm into public relations," he said. "For the right price, I can increase your market share. How would you like to have every customer in the whole area going to your restaurant, and only your restaurant?"

She flashed a patronizing smile. "I don't think I could handle that much business, sugar."

"How'd you like to be the only game in town? To be able to raise your prices as high as you like, and leave people with no choice but to eat here?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Are you saying--"

The door chime tinkled. A teenager shambled in. Big muscles, tight buns, pretty face. The kind of guy that women always go nuts over. And sure enough, Little Miss Restaurant Owner got one look at him and lit up like a game machine that somebody had just put a coin in.

"Ran-chan!" She hopped over to greet him, dropping Tenshi's card on the grill where it began to sizzle, smoking as it quickly blackened and crumbled. "How are you doing?"

"Oh, y' know." Pretty boy rubbed a bruise on his cheek.

"Akane?"

He nodded.

"Why'd she do a thing like that?" she cooed.

"Um... because I called her a flat-chested un-sexy tomboy whose cooking ain't fit for worms," he answered. "Some people just can't take a joke."

"I know how it is." She sighed. "How about an okonomiyaki? Guaranteed to take your mind off Ak--, I mean, off your troubles."

"Yeah, that's what I came for." He handed over some cash. "Make it two. Akane and me sorta ruined tonight's dinner when our practice match got outta hand."

"Coming right up!" She sounded a bit exasperated. Obviously, she wanted to be more than just a waitress to pretty boy. The age-old story. Girl meets boy, girl gets the hots for boy, but girl over on the next block has bigger you-know-whats.

Glancing back at Tenshi, the waitress flipped an okonomiyaki in his direction. It slid across the counter, stopping precisely in front of him. "Enjoy, sugar. Then leave. I don't think we can do business."

Tenshi smirked. "Your loss, honey. Maybe one of the other places in the area will be interested." He saw her flinch slightly at that, then shrug dismissively.

"Hey, Ucchan!" pretty boy called. "Is my food ready yet? I gotta get goin'!"

"Um... yeah, Ran-chan." The giant spatula swung into action. "I'll just box it up for you."

The kid stared down at his coat for a minute, then looked up at her. "Flowers?"

"Huh?"

"For Akane. Think it would work? I thought about chocolate, but then I'd be too tempted to make fat jokes."

"Um... sure, Ran-chan." She flipped the two okonomiyaki into boxes and folded them up with practiced precision. "Every girl likes getting flowers."

"Great! Maybe I'll try it." He swatted her on the shoulder playfully. "Thanks, Ucchan!"

For a moment, the owner seemed about to explode. "Damn it!" Then she took a deep breath and calmed down, at least outwardly. Professionalism. Tenshi had to admire that.

Leaving payment on the counter, he stood up. "See ya later, honey." Soap operas were fun, but none of his concern. If he wasn't going to find a job here, he'd have to look elsewhere.

He'd barely pushed the door open, when he felt a tug on his sleeve. "Wait," the owner said in a hushed voice.

Tenshi turned around, and grinned. "You want to hire me after all, hm?"

"Yes." She took a nervous breath. "But not for exactly what you had in mind...."

» Read More

FOR A DYING FRIEND

Ranma 1/2 manga fanfiction
by Gary Kleppe


The characters of Ranma 1/2 are the creation of and rightful property of Rumiko Takahashi. They are used here without permission. This story may be freely redistributed, but it should not be altered substantially or used for profit in any way.


"I'm afraid there's been no change."

"No... change," I repeated dumbly. The words are a tornado, chilling, darkening, demolishing into rubble my walls of denial and false hope. No change. Of course there's been no change. Why would there be? Trouble rarely goes away when you sit and wait for it to fix itself. Yet sometimes that's the only thing to try.

The clinic is a maze of corridors and examination rooms with tables of cold stainless steel. Racks of medicine and equipment hang on the walls, like the torture implements of a medieval dungeon.

"Is there..." I ask hesitantly, not sure that I want to hear the answer, "anything you can do, Doctor?"

"Well, Mrs.--"

"Akane."

Doctor Tanaka nods. "Well, Akane, what we're dealing with here is a rather advanced case of kidney deterioration. You see, the kidneys have the job of filtering out wastes and...." The words trail off. His wide country-boy eyes gaze up at me with kindness and sympathy. "I'm sorry. I've already told you this."

"Yes," I say, and hear the anger and frustration in my voice. I shouldn't get mad at the doctor. It's not his fault. Whose it is, who really deserves to be the target of the emotions I'm feeling, I don't know. All I do know is that he's answered my question, by not answering it. There was nothing that he, or I, could do.

Kidney deterioration. I think of Mrs. Yamane from next door, how three years ago the ambulance came to her house to take her to the hospital. Her kidneys were bad, they said; but they put her on a dialysis machine and eventually transplanted another kidney into her body, and she was able to come home. How I wish that were possible in this case.

The doctor takes a sip of tea. and wipes the side of his cup on his white lab coat. "Akane, this isn't easy for me, any more than I'm sure it is for you. But... while we've given him what drugs we safely can, he's still in a terrible lot of pain. I need a decision from you."

I don't know what he means, and then I do. I remember holding him in my arms as we rode to the clinic, how he shivered and trembled and stared straight ahead and how in his eyes held no recognition for me, nothing but pain. There's no way to make him better, nothing to do but wait as the poisons build up all over his body, accumulating like water on a sinking ship, and I wonder if ending his misery wouldn't be the best thing for him.

Except.... "Doctor, I promised my husband I would wait until he's back."

"All right, Akane." The doctor nods in understanding. "There's some tea in the outer room in case you'd like. I'll let you know if there's any change."

"Thank you, Doctor." I manage to smile vaguely, and walk out.

The outer room is empty as I enter and sit on one of the padded benches. Colorful pamphlets lay on the table in front of me, explaining the importance of timely vaccinations and proper hygiene. I don't feel like reading.

With nothing else to do, I sit back and wait, as I said, for my husband, wondering a little angrily why he couldn't have stayed with me through this. I thought they were friends. He was the one who nearly throttled the doctor demanding a dialysis machine, until the doctor explained why it wouldn't work. Then he read the letter we'd gotten from Shampoo, and ran off to the location her map had shown, not explaining why it couldn't wait just a few days.

Nearby, a phone rings, and a receptionist's voice negotiates an appointment with someone over the telephone; I tune it out and stare at the small window. The early morning sky outside is blackened, as if the sun were too ill to show up for work today. Rain pours down in a never-ending rhythm, sloshing up against the window as a gust of wind howls. Water. At school they taught us what a miraculous substance it is. It supposedly makes up seventy percent of our body weight. Life began in water, and without it we would all shrivel up and die in days.

I hate it.

I hate it for what it used to do to Ranma, and what it won't do to him anymore. I hate it for ruining our chance at a normal life together. Strange that I still think of Ranma as a he, even though in strict biological terms that pronoun hasn't applied to him since high school. But anything else feels like giving up on him.

» Read More

THE GHOST PRISON

Ranma 1/2 manga fanfiction
by Gary Kleppe

The characters of Ranma 1/2 are the creation of and rightful property of Rumiko Takahashi. They are used here without permission. This story may be freely redistributed, but it should not be altered substantially or used for profit in any way.



A chilling wind blows across Jusenkyo.

Bamboo poles vibrate back and forth like the tines of tuning forks. The waters of the Jusenkyo pool in front of me swirl, casting ripples outward from the poles. The glassteel barriers around the springs shake and tremble with the sound of ghosts rattling their chains. I try to remember how long it's been since the walls went up. Twenty years already? Thirty?

I sit, staring at the pools in front of me. I wonder whether you understand. The thought that you don't presses down on me like a massive weight. Burned indelibly into my memory, the last look on your face hovers before me. Your eyes gaping with utter confusion, with a single, unspoken question: Why?

I know you and I were never the closest of friends. I'd always meant to sit down with you someday and just talk -- about everything that I've been going through all these years, especially in the early days when we met each other for the second time. About what you meant to me, and what I wanted you to mean to me. I guess someday never comes. Or if it does, it comes too late.

The wind kicks up again; it stabs through my tired, old body, penetrating my tunic as if it were nothing. I should've worn something warmer. So many years ago, when I was young, I dressed like this all year round. Only a few weeks ago, a breeze like this would've been a welcome respite from the heat. I should've worn a sweater. Summer is gone, no matter how much I want to pretend it isn't.

I know you can't hear me anymore, but do you understand, Ran-chan? Understand why I killed you?

» Read More

On Thursday, Ranma was introduced to a weekly tradition at the Tendo household.

"Leftover night?"

"That's right, Ranma." Nabiki crossed the Tendo living room, sliding down onto the floor next to him. "Every other Thursday, Kasumi takes the night off and goes out, leaving the rest of us to fend for ourselves."

Ranma set down the Giant Killer Robots of Death manga he had been reading. "Really? Where's she go?"

"We don't know." Her smirk told him that he'd just won the Stupidest Question Of The Week award. "She always leaves plenty of food, so no one will starve." She set a glass of water on the floor between them. "Lucky for me, though, I'll be dining out tonight, thanks to a certain genie who owes me a favor."

Sighing, he picked up the glass and poured it over himself. "All right, wish away."

Nabiki crossed her legs together, swiveling around to face him. "Yesterday, I sent off a letter to a certain young man. You may know the type: very rich, very handsome, very full of himself."

"Kuno?"

"Kuno-chan only wishes he had this kind of money." She chuckled. "But as for me, I wish for my letter to find its way to its intended recipient, without being intercepted by the servants that screen his mail."

"Servants screen his mail?"

"Oh, yes. Hired by his father." Her expression became serious, almost intense. "It's a tough world out there, Ranma. Loving parents have to protect their son from unscrupulous gold-diggers."

"I don't get it," he said. "Why bother going out to dinner with him? Why not just wish for him to give you money?"

"You probably wouldn't understand, Ranma." She smiled enigmatically, as if to say, I'm a puzzle; you'll never figure me out.

"Geez, just askin'." He stood up. There really wasn't any need to stay; the wish would work just as well with him upstairs.

"Wait, Ranma," she said. He turned. She gazed up at him, her eyes full of a sympathy that he didn't believe for a second. "Maybe I am being a little unfair to you. Tell you what: I'll give you a little something to make up for it."

"Really? What?"

"I wish you had a martial arts trophy."

A statuette appeared in his hands, a gi-wearing man of metal, standing atop a wooden base. "Huh? What's this for?"

"It's for you, Ranma! Isn't this why you go through all that trouble to find new and better ways of beating people up? So that you can get things like this?"

"But... it's not mine!"

"Sure it is! I'm giving it to you. It's a freebie, even. You don't owe me anything for it."

"But I didn't defeat anybody for it!"

"You sure you don't want it?"

Ranma nodded.

"Oh well. You had your chance! I wish it was gone." She tapped the trophy with her finger, and it popped out of existence like a punctured balloon.

Ranma picked up his manga and tried to remember what page he'd been on. No matter how hard he tried, there were some people he'd never understand.

» Read More

IDoR theme song by Vincent Seifert (with alterations by G.K.)

(All) One guy [Ranma, looking cocky]
Three girls [Kasumi, Nabiki, Akane, looking cute]
Two schools [Tendo Dojo/Furinkan]
A curse [Genie-Ranma, looking cocky AND cute]

(All) 'Kane:
(Akane) I dream of Ranm— Huh? Who wrote this?!
[She turns and argues with Kasumi and Nabiki]

(Others) Oh, yes:
She dreams of Ranma!

[Shampoo appears out of nowhere in front of the three. She wears a
costume similar to Genie-Ranma's.]
(All) Shampoo:
(Akane) I dream of Ranma! [amorously]
[Akane starts arguing with Shampoo]

(All) Throw him into the koi pond
[Genma throws Ranma into the pond]

He comes out to grant a wish
[genie-Ranma-in-pond splutters, realizes how revealing his wet top is,
then crosses his arms over his bosom and blinks like Barbara Eden,
but nothing happens]

(Kasumi) But nobody ever thinks of
The fish
[A koi jumps out of the water, slaps genie-Ranma across the face
with its tail, and dives back in]

(All) Ranma, he fell into Genie-niquan
[Ranma falls into a pool at Jusenkyo]

Now his manhood is all gone
[genie-Ranma in the pool looks down and screams]

He gives 'em what they say they want
[genie-Ranma, wearing a flat-eyed look of disgust, is surrounded by
characters with expressions ranging from avarice to lust]

(All) Which is fine with
(All) 'Biki:
(Nabiki) I dream of money!
[Nabiki wallows in cash a la Scrooge McDuck.]

[Ranma smirks as he lifts a kettle of hot water]
(All) 'Doka:
(Nodoka) O-ni must die-ee!
[He sees her katana, frantically dropping the kettle while
flashing an insipid grin]

(All) Kuno:
(Kuno) I dream of, er, uh,
[Kuno's head whips back and forth between Akane and genie-Ranma]

No! I must have them both!
[POW! They both clobber him. Cut to black. :) ]





Episode 4:
I'm Not a Genie, But I Play One On TV


An announcement sputtered over Furinkan's public address system, ending the school day. "Don't forget that submissions for the school play are due tomorrow morning. See Mr. Mokusei with any questions."

Flanked by his two new buddies, Ranma walked out of the classroom.

"What kind of play do you think they'll do this semester, Hiroshi?"

"Dunno, Daisuke. Whatever it is, it won't be as good as the one we made last year."

"You guys wrote a play?" Ranma asked with mild surprise. These guys didn't seem like the type who'd go in for that stuff.

"Yeah," Hiroshi answered. "The drama club likes to use student-written plays. And they used ours last time. Mr. Mokusei even complimented us on it. He said... um, what exactly did he say again, Daisuke?"

"He said, 'All the other submissions are even more terrible.'"

"Right, that was it." The three students sifted their way through the crowd, gradually moving toward the exit. "Play writing is easy. The most important thing is costume design. That's the only reason guys go to plays anyway — to see what kind of revealing clothes the girls are wearing."

"Yup, costume design is crucial," Daisuke said. "Then you have to get the right actresses. Y'know, ones who'll fill out the outfits you come up with."

Ranma gave a forced chuckle. "I know what you mean, man." He didn't really care about girls in costumes, but guys were supposed to talk about this kind of stuff, and he wanted to fit in. Anyway, it was harmless.

Hiroshi grinned. "Hey, Ranma, didja see the babe who was here yesterday? The one with the pigtail?"

"Er...." Ranma's throat tightened. "No. I didn't. I dunno who you're talkin' about."

"Damn, you shoulda seen her," Daisuke said. "She was hot. Almost as gorgeous as Akane."

"Whaddaya mean? She's a lot better looking than Akane!"

"Who is?"

"That chick. The one I don't know anything about." He glared at the two of them, and saw that they weren't buying it. "Um, actually, come to think of it, I do know her. She's, um, Ranko. Akane's cousin."

"Think you could convince her to be in the play this semester?" Hiroshi stopped walking and turned his head towards Ranma. "I'm sure no matter what they decide to do, there's a part that'll be good for her."

"No!" The thought of being fodder for adolescent perverted fantasies disgusted Ranma. Let the school do whatever play they wanted; he wasn't going to have anything to do with it.

"Oh well," Daisuke said. "Anyway, like I said, there's costume design, and casting. Also, you need to write some jokes into the script — if only to convince the teachers that it's not just an excuse to ogle the chicks."

"Jokes? Like what?" Ranma asked, grateful for the change of subject.

"Jokes are easy to write. It's best to go for the cheapest possible laugh. Forget about doing anything that requires any setup, or anything satirical; your audience probably won't get it anyhow. Go for cheap sight gags, pop culture references, and the occasional vague remark that sounds like sexual perversion. That's what we did in the last play, and we had people rolling on the floor."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Hiroshi answered. "It said right in the script, 'all actors stop what they're doing and roll around on the floor.'"

"Too bad Akane refused to be in our play," Daisuke said. "Think she'd do one this year if you asked her, Ranma?"

"Um, I doubt it, guys," Ranma said, hoping they would drop it.

"Dude, they're engaged," Hiroshi said. "He doesn't need her to be in a play. He's probably already seen her in her underwear."

"What?" Ranma resisted the urge to slug him. "Of course not!"

Hiroshi gaped. "You've seen her out of her underwear?"

"No! Why the heck would I wanna look at an uncute chick like her anyway? I mean, she has zero sex appeal!"

Hiroshi and Daisuke backed away slowly, with nervous looks on their faces. Probably afraid I'll beat 'em up, Ranma thought.

"Akane should wear a gorilla suit, far as I'm concerned," he continued. "I mean, not only is she a tomboy, but she's flat-chested, completely uncute, zero sex appeal, and...." He stopped talking as he became aware of someone behind him.

Ranma turned around just in time to see Akane's fist crash into his face.

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"Two sodas, and a cup of tea." The waitress smiled as she set the drinks down on the table. "Would you ladies care to order, or do you need a few more moments to look at the menu?"

"I think we're ready." Ranma's mother took a sip from her cup, and looked across the table to him and Akane. He wondered how she could stand to drink hot tea on such a scorcher of a summer day. "Ranko, would you like to order?"

Ranma continued to idly study the menu, until he felt Akane's elbow poke him below the ribs. "Oh yeah. Me. Right." After two days, he still wasn't used to his new alias.

"Go ahead and order anything you like, dear," his mother said. "It's on me. Even if I can't meet my son, it's so nice to be able to meet his fiancee and her cousin."

"Oh, thank you, Mrs. Saotome!" Ranma gave a smile and a bubbly laugh, though inwardly he wanted to scream. Until two days ago, he hadn't even known that he had a mother. Not that he'd believed Pop's story about him having been cloned; but he'd always figured that his mom was dead or something. He'd certainly never guessed that she'd been waiting around for more than ten years for Pop to bring him home to her.

And now here he was, together with his mother. But thanks to some stupid promise Pop had made, he couldn't tell her that he was her son. He had to pretend to be 'Ranko' so that she didn't kill him for being unmanly. Maybe she wasn't really serious about making him honor that agreement. But if he took a chance and was wrong, he wouldn't live to take any other chances. So he had to keep up the act. For so many years he'd had no idea what it was like to have a mother; now, he was so close, and yet so far.

Akane handed her copy of the menu to the waitress. "I'll have the beefbowl."

"Figures a tomboy like you would order something like that, Akane," Ranma teased.

Akane waved a fist at him menacingly. The waitress turned to Ranma. "And for you, ma'am?"

"I'll have the same thing. Make it a double order."

His mother pointed to something on the menu. "I'll have this noodle dish, please." She gave her menu to the waitress, who then walked off. "I wonder what kind of food Ranma likes." She briefly stared off into space. "The two of you have eaten with him, haven't you?" Though she'd supposedly invited Akane and 'Ranko' to lunch to get to know them, she only seemed interested in asking about her son. Ranma might have been offended if he and 'Ranko' hadn't been the same person.

"Yes, we did," Akane said. "I think... um... he likes the same foods that Ranko likes."

"Did I tell you that I haven't seen him since he was a baby? That it's been more than ten years?"

"Yes, you did," Ranma said. Several times, actually.

"I'm so sorry." Pulling out a handkerchief, she wiped a single tear from her eye. "It seems as if I can't stop asking about Ranma. It's just that... I miss him so much. Oh, how I wish my manly son were here!"

Ranma, instantly male, dove quickly under the table.

"Ranko?" his mother said. Ranma felt her tug on his pigtail. "Whatever are you doing down there?"

"I—" He shifted to a higher tone, trying to imitate his female voice. "I, um, I dropped a contact lens, Mrs. Saotome!"

"Ranko, don't bump the table," Akane said in an exaggerated voice. "You'll spill something!" She tipped one of the glasses, letting a little soda pour onto him. He changed back into his genie form, complete with costume.

"Oh dear. Could I help?" His mother stood up, looking over the table at him.

"Ranma," Akane frantically whispered in his ear, "I wish you were back in your usual clothes." And he was.

"It's all right." He slid up and sat back in the seat. "Got it back in. Whew. I hate it when that happens."

"I don't understand, Ranko." His mother stared at him with puzzled eyes. "For a moment, I saw... you were wearing some strange costume."

"Er... you see, Mrs. Saotome...." Ranma fumbled for something to say. "I wear special contact lenses. When I lose one of them, it's other people who can't see me very well." Akane rolled her eyes. Okay, so it wasn't a very good excuse; but it was the best he could think of.

"Oh dear." Ranma's mother pointed to his shoulder. There was a big, sticky stain on the front of his shirt where Akane had poured the soda. "Oh dear. Ranko, please let me buy you a new outfit after lunch."

"Why, Mrs. Saotome, you don't have to...." Ranma looked into her eyes, and realized she wasn't about to take no for an answer. This, he supposed, was part of what it meant to have a mother.

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"Where's Ranma?" Akane paced back and forth impatiently across the Tendo living room. "It's nearly time to leave for school."

"I'll go up and ask him to come down, Akane." Kasumi ascended the steps toward Ranma's room. It wouldn't do for him to miss his first day at Furinkan. After all, the reason Mr. Saotome had brought him to Nerima was so that he could get a good education. After being on the road for so long, he was probably excited about the idea of being in school -- learning from teachers and meeting other boys his age.

Besides, she needed to ask for his help on that other little matter, and now was as good a time as any.

***

Ranma lay sprawled across his futon, trying to figure out what to do next.

The curse was the first of his problems. Cold water turned him into a genie, complete with the ability to grant wishes. But he didn't have control over his powers the way that the genies in the old stories and legends did. Wishes that people made around him just got fulfilled automatically, with him having no say about it. He didn't even seem to be able to interpret the meaning of wishes the way he wanted to.

Of course, it made a kind of sense when he thought about it. The curse gave him the body and powers of a genie, but not the skills that one would have. It was the same as if someone fell into the Spring of Drowned Hard-ass Martial Artist; they'd get the muscles, and maybe fast reflexes, but they probably wouldn't know any special attacks until somebody came along to teach them.

So he needed to learn how to use his cursed form's powers. He obviously couldn't go out and sign up for genie training school. The only way to get better at it was to practice. But that meant letting people make wishes, and if he did that it would mean a whole lot of trouble for him.

His second problem was that Pop wanted him to marry Akane. Surprisingly, part of him seemed to be giving the idea of the engagement serious consideration. If he had to keep the curse, being one person's genie would be better than being up for grabs, even if she didn't like him.

Fortunately, the sensible part of his brain was still in charge. There was no way he was getting married just because Pop said so. Especially to someone like her. Especially when it would mean doing... that... with her. He wasn't an expert on the subject, but had a basic idea what married people did, and the thought of doing it with a macho chick like her was disturbing.

Stall. That was the thing to do. He knew from experience how to handle it when Pop got a stupid idea into his head. Trying to talk him out of it would only make him more stubborn, and he'd have to push the marriage thing just to prove that he was the boss. But if Ranma could procrastinate long enough, he might change his mind or just forget about it.

After all, if nothing else he probably had time. It wasn't like Pop was insisting he get married right away.

"Oh, hello, Ranma!" Kasumi stepped in from the hallway. "Could I ask you for a quick favor? I mean, if it's no trouble." She had a glass of water in one hand, and a kettle in the other; it was easy to figure out the kind of help she wanted. "Oh, I really don't want to impose, and if it's a bother I could just--"

"That's okay." Ranma stood and walked over to her. This kind of thing was going to happen a lot; might as well get used to it.

"Oh, thank you." She dumped a little water over his head, and before he knew it he had become female. His Chinese shirt and pants had disappeared, and he was wearing the genie costume. Kasumi reached into her apron pocket and took out a pencil and a small piece of paper. "I wish I knew the telephone number of the person whose name is written here."

She smiled, quickly jotting down a number on the paper. Ranma felt relieved that that was all she wanted. A phone number couldn't cause him a lot of trouble, could it? "Uh... is that it, Kasumi?"

"Yes, that's all. Thank you so much!" She nodded as she handed him the kettle. He poured it over himself; his clothes, and everything inside them, changed back to normal. "Now you need to hurry and get downstairs. Akane is waiting for you!"

Ranma scratched his wet head. "Why's she waitin' for me?"

"Ranma, you know why your father brought you to Nerima, right?"

"Yeah." Don't remind me, he said to himself.

Kasumi smiled. "Well, it's that time!"

"It's...." Ranma's jaw dropped. "Today? Now?!"

"Mm hmm!" She nodded happily, and slipped back down the hallway.

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Prologue

Once upon a time, a vast kingdom existed. Its lands stretched over enormous distances, bounded by desert and mountains and ocean. An old and wise monarch ruled with justice and fairness, and was beloved by all the people, or so say the legends.

The djinn, or genies, were the bane of the kingdom. They swarmed about from place to place, causing terrible chaos and mischief with their magics. So great was their power that none could stand against it.

The aged white-haired monarch of the land saw what the djinn were doing, and knew that they had to be stopped. One by one, the genies were captured and imprisoned so that they could cause no further harm and disruption to mankind.

However, one djinn managed to escape every trap set for it. Magic lamps, bottles, rings -- none of them could hold this genie. The monarch assembled the finest scholars who could be found and asked what could be done, how the kingdom could be rid of this troublesome spirit. They had no answer.

In desperation, the monarch traveled to the mountains, where the most knowledgeable sage in the kingdom was said to live. The monarch found the sage and asked what could be tried to contain the djinn that the most powerful devices in the land had failed to hold.

"Well," said the sage, "there might just be one thing...."

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WARNING: This is a lime. While it does not show explicit sex, as a lemon would, references to sexual situations abound.



TANGLED WEB


Ranma 1/2 manga fanfiction
by Gary Kleppe

The characters of Ranma 1/2 are the creation and rightful property of Rumiko Takahashi. They are used here without permission. This story may be freely redistributed, but it should not be altered substantially or used for profit in any way.

###

"Ranma, prepare to... UK!"

Shampoo's bicycle slammed into the back of Ryoga's neck, sending him skidding forward along the sidewalk. The Amazon dove off the bicycle, tumbling through the air with deft precision to land in Ranma's arms.

"Wow." Hiroshi stared like a man hypnotized, admiring Shampoo's curves. "She's good!"

"Yeah." Sayuri said. "Good enough for the Olympics, even."

"Nihao, Ranma!" Shampoo pressed her ample bosom into her airen's chest. "You happy to see Shampoo?"

"Aaaa! Get offa me!" Ranma turned, and was abruptly face to face with a glowering Akane. "It-it's not what it looks like!"

"Oh, don't let me interrupt!" she said, as her kick propelled Ranma away from Shampoo, toward the fence. "I'm sure you two are enjoying each other's company!"

Hiroshi winced as Ranma slammed into the fence, making it vibrate noisily. That had to hurt.

Ryoga stood up and charged. "Ranma! How dare you treat Akane like this! I'll--"

"OHOHOHOHO!" Kodachi Kuno suddenly swung down out of nowhere, in instant before Ryoga would've connected, quickly scooping Ranma up into her grasp as she passed. "What a pleasure to meet you here, Darling! Come with me to my abode tonight. I've fixed a repast for you using some simply exquisite new ingredients!"

"She's pretty good too!" Yuka remarked. "Great form!"

Hiroshi ran his eyes over the shapely body that bulged out of Kodachi's tight leotard. "Yeah."

Ryoga plummeted through the empty space where Ranma had just been. His momentum carried him into the water channel, leaving a man-sized hole in the fence. Hiroshi was about to move over to help him out, when he heard more voices approaching.

"Back off, sugar!" Ukyo shouted at Kodachi. A salvo of mini-spatulas whizzed by, barely missing Ranma's ear. "If anyone's gonna feed my friend Ran-chan, it's gonna be me!"

Ranma pushed out of Kodachi's grip, then frantically dodged a flurry of chains, pole arms, and kitchen utensils. "Shampoo!" Mousse cried. "I'll avenge you! Ranma, I saw what you did! How dare you molest the woman I love!"

"Wow." Yuka stared wide-eyed at the chaotic scene. "You usually don't see this many of them together on a Wednesday."

A guttural snorting sounded from the new hole in the fence. "P-chan!" Akane exclaimed joyfully as she looked down at the black piglet who was climbing out. "How did you get here? Come to Mommy!"

Daisuke smirked at Hiroshi. "Bet she'll kill him when she finds out."

"Maybe she knows already," Hiroshi answered back, grinning. "Maybe she's taking him off to the butcher shop right now."

"Ouch. That's not funny," Daisuke said. "Just imagine it happening to you."

"Ouch is right." The thought made Hiroshi instinctively reach down to shield his vital organs.

Yuka turned. "What are you guys talking about?" she asked, a puzzled look on her face.

"Um, nothing. I'm only kidding." Hiroshi whispered to Daisuke, "We both know she's never gonna figure it out."

"Right," Daisuke replied. "That's the thing about the people in this neighborhood. They're predictable. You always know where they stand."

###

"Darling!" Mousse's voice resonated through the Nekohanten. "Darling, are you here?"

"Mousse, you fool!" the object of his affection called back. "What if someone should hear you?"

"Sorry, Darling." He came into the back room. "I figured that if there was anyone here, they'd think I meant Shampoo."

"That's all right." She nodded approvingly. "You meant well." Mousse was actually quite a bit smarter than he acted; she had to keep reminding herself of that.

He gazed at her with big eyes and an absurdly happy smile. "Did I do a good job today with Shampoo? Did I?"

"From what I've heard, you certainly did. I'm quite happy with your work. Your harassment of her gives her added motivation to succeed in her pursuit of Ranma, not to mention giving you a reason for being here."

"You're my reason for being here, Darling!"

"I mean a reason that I can tell to other people, you dolt!" She sighed. "How our traditions have eroded. When I was young, an Amazon elder had the right to keep several young men as her, er, personal servants. Now, unfortunately, it is looked down upon, and I would lose considerable standing if anyone were to learn of our little... arrangement."

"I won't tell anyone, Darling! You can count me to act as if I were still smitten by Shampoo."

Cologne stared at Mousse's puppy-dog face. Perhaps it really wasn't right for her to use him in this way. But didn't being the oldest and most powerful living warrior of the Amazon tribe entitle her to a little comfort? She wasn't causing the boy any harm, anyway. Not really.

"Of course I can count on you," she said. "Still, Shampoo's lack of success with Ranma worries me. It is an embarrassment to our tribe for a man to elude an Amazon for so long."

Mousse stared at the floor thoughtfully. "Could you give Ranma a potion to make him love Shampoo?"

"Unfortunately, no. I used up my supply of love potions on..., er, some time ago. Besides, it is Shampoo's responsibility, as she was the one defeated by Ranma. It would not reflect well on her were I to help her too much."

"I'm sure she'll do all right with whatever help you can give her. Thanks to you, we've kept up our pretense for so long. How many others could have managed to keep a relationship like ours a secret?"

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This story owes its inspiration to a couple of other fanfics; which ones these are will be revealed in the end notes, as it would give away spoilers to tell you now. You don't need to have read these stories to understand this story; all you need is a basic familiarity with Ranma 1/2 canon.

Some of you may find this a bit dark. Some of you may find it more than a bit dark. You have been warned.

Many thanks are due to pre-readers Thomas Schmidt, Donny Cheng, Krista Perry, Megane 6.7, and Cindy Toler. I also thank the members of the FFML and FFIRC for their helpful comments and suggestions. As always, reader feedback is welcome and greatly appreciated. I do recommend you read the whole story before responding, as some things that might seem out of character get explained later.




"Damn it, Ranma, enough is enough."

Akane glared from her desk chair at her fiance, who lay sprawled across the rug in front of her bed. She glanced over at the alarm clock on the shelf. 8:30 PM. Every time he had been in this state before, he'd come out of it in less than half an hour. Now it had been well over an entire day, and there was still no change.

"I suppose you think this is funny. Well, I don't!"

"Mmm?" Ranma lazily turned his head. Innocent eyes gazed quizzically at Akane. His face held the blank, vaguely smiling expression of one who had no idea why he was being scolded.

Heaving an exasperated sigh, she swiveled her chair around and returned to her math homework. She couldn't do anything about Ranma except wait for him to come back to normal on his own. Maybe it would happen any minute. Maybe he just needed another night's sleep, and he'd wake up his old self in the morning, wondering what he was doing in Akane's room and whether he could get back to his own without getting a good pounding. Maybe...

*Maybe not.* The thought sent a chill resonating through her body. *Maybe he'll be this way for the rest of his life.* She pushed the thought out of her head. There was no reason to assume the worst. Not yet, anyway.

"Ranma." She got up off her chair and knelt near him, moving her face close to his, speaking sharply. "You are a person. Do you understand? A human being! So act like one, for gods' sake!"

He looked up at her and spoke. "Myoww?"

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"OHOHOHOHOHO!!!! It is the pet vermin of the wicked Akane Tendo! Come to Kodachi! I know how to make you useful!"

George slipped out of Kodachi's ribbon and ran as fast as his pig legs would carry him. He didn't want to know her idea of "useful". How had this happened to him? How could he have acquired Ryoga's curse?

The outer wall of the estate loomed before him, as tall as a skyscraper from his perspective. He scurried along the ground at its base, hoping desperately that the evening shadows would hide him from Kodachi.

After crawling through the brush for what seemed like miles, he came to an exit gate. Forcing his pig body between the bars, he slipped out onto the sidewalk.

Cars the size of houses zoomed by on the road as George quickly made his way away, the concrete scraping painfully on his shoeless appendages. Soon he had no idea where he was. Did he now have Ryoga's problem with directions too? Or was it just the smallness of his new form?

He came across a house, and ducked in through the opened door. Hopefully, he could get some hot water somewhere inside.

Moving through the house as fast as he could, he listened for anyone who might be present, but heard nothing. With his luck, he thought, he had probably come around in a circle and was now back in Kodachi's house.

He finally came to a door. This would be the bathroom, if the house he was in was the same as the Tendo home, as it seemed to be. Slamming his piglet body against it, he managed to get it to swing open. Just a little hot water, and everything would be all right.

Inside the bathroom, a short-haired girl dried herself with a towel. Happy recognition crossed her face as she turned. "P-chan!!" she exclaimed, as her towel fell away. "P-chan, don't be afraid, it's me!"

George caught sight of Akane's magnificiently-conditioned body in its full naked glory. Blood gushed from his nose as the world spun into blackness.

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After wandering around for about an hour, George ended up at the Tendo dojo. This was it, he thought. He'd prove how easy it would be to change things around here.

He stuffed an envelope into the mailbox. This was the first step. Of everything that went he had seen in the videos, one thing had outraged him more than anything else. He was going to put a stop to it right away.

As George stood, picturing in his mind what he would do next, he heard the sound of a bell from behind him. Before he could turn around, something struck him in the head, knocking him to the ground.

He rose slowly and carefully, used to this sort of thing by now, and turned to look. There on the bicycle was a girl with luxurious black hair that reached down past her waist. Her body, muscular but not the least bit unfeminine, filled out her shimmering silk dress in a way that he had never dreamed possible.

The girl turned to George. "Why you get in way of Shampoo's bike?" she said, as he quickly moved his gaze up to her face.

"Uh... I... that is..." he responded as he mentally kicked himself. Here was the sexiest, most beautiful girl that he could ever remember seeing, and he couldn't manage to say anything coherent.

"Keep out of way! Shampoo need finish deliver ramen. Then I go ask Ranma for date! I look like self now, but could turn back any time to look like crazy ribbon girl. Then Ranma never agree to date. Aiyou!"

Wheels turned in George's mind. Shampoo was the one who had to marry the one who defeated her in combat... and the Goddess said that he would be able to defeat anyone here! Therefore...

"Shampoo!" he blurted out. "I challenge --"

Too late, she had already gone.

Oh well, there would be other chances. Meanwhile he could do other things. He headed to the Tendo home.

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Tatewaki Kuno was eating lunch at the Nekohanten. Half the student body of Furinkan ate lunch there, ever since the decision that only Hawaiian food would be available in the school.

The food at the restaurant filled one's stomach adequately for a reasonable price; the only drawback was the waiter's lack of competence. "I, Tatewaki Kuno the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, ordered the house special ramen! Dare you insult me by giving me pork buns instead?" It was a good policy to be firm with the serving classes.

Tatewaki saw his twisted sister, Kodachi the Black Rose, walk into the establishment. The waiter immediately jumped on her, crying out "Shampoo! How I've missed you in the time you've been gone! It's been... at least an hour and a half!"

"Blind fool!" Tatewaki rose to his feet. "Can you not tell one person from another? Would you so mistake Ranma Saotome for the Pig-Tailed Girl?"

"Stupid Mousse!" the target of Mousse's affections said, in a most unexpected voice. "Get back to work or I hurt you!"

"Yes, darling Shampoo!" Mousse turned to clear a table. An identical-looking Kodachi entered the restaurant.

"Shampoo? Is that you?" The withered crone who owned the restaurant spoke to the first Kodachi.

"Of *course* it's her!" Mousse said smugly. "Can't you see? Do you need *glasses* or something?"

"Mousse, go scrub out the toilets," Cologne shot back.

"Er... yes, elder." Mousse sulked away toward the bathroom, muttering under his breath. "Again? Geez..."

"Great grandmother, this fault of evil lecher," the first Kodachi said.

Tatewaki rose to his feet. "Ranma Saotome did this? That swine! I shall...."

Cologne struck with her staff as she walked past the Blue Thunder, knocking him back into his chair. "She means Happosai, you fool! Tell us what happened, Shampoo."

"You right, great grandmother. Happosai steal Shampoo underwear. I try to get back by power of calm reason...."

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This story is sponsored by the (Takahashi-)Mermaid's Charitable Fund. Give generously, and you will have our undying gratitude.

The characters of Ranma 1/2, and those from other series who make cameos herein, are the creation of and rightful property of Rumiko Takahashi. They are used here without permission. This story may be freely redistributed, but it should not be altered substantially or used for profit in any way.


PROLOGUE

"Where am I?" George called, hoping there was someone to hear.

There was no response to his shout, not even an echo. He heard nothing, saw nothing but endless gray. He couldn't feel anything under his feet, yet he didn't seem to be falling. Or maybe he was. There was no way to tell up or down, backward or forward. All he was aware of was himself, and... something else.

Some powerful presence surrounded him. It was the feeling he often got -- that someone was watching him -- but it was magnified a thousand times from the usual. He couldn't zero in on where it came from; it seemed to be everywhere.

Maybe this was a dream, he thought, though it didn't feel like one of his dreams. The last thing he could remember was being in the anime room at GenCon. He must have fallen asleep there. He remembered watching an anime about some mermaid's meat that made people live forever. That story had certainly been weird enough to give him nightmares.

A voice of sorts called out. **GEORGE TOCKUE!** It wasn't really a sound; it spoke in his head moreso than in his ears.

"Uhh... that's me." George tried to turn towards the voice, but it was coming from everywhere. "But I asked *where* am I, not *who* am I! And who am I talking to?"

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Lili drifted down towards the ocean floor, holding her breath desperately, her arms and legs flailing wildly, randomly, in some vain attempt to keep from drowning. This had happened before. Part of her wanted to just let go and drown again; but she had no idea what kind of hell she might wake up in next time. That thought made her panic even more, which didn't seem to help her attempts at swimming.

It was no use. She had held out much longer this time, but her body's demand for air was strong. Stronger than the will of a weak little girl. The world around her was starting to fade, becoming unreal. She felt something on her back. Was she moving? Or was the whole thing just a dream...

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"Here is legendary training ground. Cursed springs of Jusenkyo. This place very dangerous. You very strange ones to come here."

The pudgy man in the seventies-style Chinese uniform stepped to the side and pointed into the clearing without looking. In that place were hundreds of small springs with long bamboo poles sticking out of them. Each of the pools had its own horror. There was some terrifying creature at the bottom of each one, ready to spring out onto any unsuspecting victim. Akane couldn't see them, but she knew that they were there. She felt their presence in her mind.

"Let's go, Ranma." Akane jumped up onto one of the poles. Her fiance did likewise. She faced him, assuming a combat-ready stance. "I won't make things easy for you."

"Hey, like you ever did?" he sniggered. "Just don't make me eat any of your cooking!"

"JERK!!" Akane swung her mallet, knocking Ranma off of his pole and sending him plummeting below.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!!" Ranma cried, as he fell, tumbling down to the ground in slow motion. Akane strained to see him in the dim evening light (hadn't it been daytime moments ago?) as she heard a splash from below.

She jumped down from her pole to the ground below. "Ranma?" Bubbles rose from the spring next to her. She turned...

... and a skeleton rose from the pool. A skeleton wearing Ranma's gi bobbed up, empty eye sockets gleaming in the moonlight.

Loud, uncontrollable laughter was heard. Akane looked toward the source. It was the Guide, his face obscured by the darkness. Akane said angrily, "You never said anything about --"

He stepped into view. He now had the face of Principal Kuno. "HAHAHAHA!!! 'Ey, wahine, we wen' made one o' dese springs fo' you too, yeah!"

Suddenly, Akane found herself immersed in water, the laughing Principal visible above the water surface. Akane, being unable to swim, splashed around helplessly, slowly sinking to the bottom.

Desperately holding her breath, she reached the bottom. Her powerful leg muscles pushed, propelling her upward. After long seconds she reached the surface...

... and the surface was covered by some transparent barrier. Akane struck the barrier, again and again, as hard as she could, but it did not budge. She struggled desperately, as the last traces of air were gone from her lungs, and the water would be denied entrance to them no longer, and the man kept on laughing, and laughing, and laughing...

... and Akane woke. She was wet; at first she thought it was from the pool, then she realized she was covered in her own sweat.

Then her door opened.

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There was once a girl called Rouge. A native of India, a shy, beautiful girl, a Virgo with blood type A; at least that was how she would introduce herself.

One day, Rouge fell into one of the cursed pools of Jusenkyo. From then on, contact with cold water would turn her body into that of the three-headed six-armed fire-wielding demon known as Ashura.

Time passed. Something shifted, and the nature of the Jusenkyo curses subsequently changed. The spirit of Ashura awoke, engulfing the young Indian's mind. There was no longer a girl called Rouge. There was only Ashura.

"Ashura has returned, little ones!"

The two policemen and the five representatives of the Tendo Dojo watched the flying demon intently, waiting to see what it would do. Pantyhose Taro, in human form, handcuffed, and locked into the back seat of a police car, could only look at Ashura and growl.

Ashura swiveled around in midair, surveying her surroundings. One of her faces fixed its gaze on Pantyhose. "Ashura has come looking for you, vulgar one. You once stole something from her during her sleep time. Something that she no longer needs. Still, you deserve to be punished."

The face looked toward Soun Tendo and Police officer Usugurai, who were standing next to the car. "Ashura suggests that you step back, little ones." The two men dove away from the vehicle. A column of fiery energy came from the demon, consuming the helpless Taro.

A moment later the car's gas tank exploded. Ryoga quickly moved himself to shield Akane as everyone was thrown back by the shock wave. "Interesting," the demon said. "Ashura did not know that that would happen."

A ball of light began forming around her, quickly increasing in intensity, forcing everyone to shield their eyes. "Ashura wishes to spend some time observing this modern world before she decides what to do with it. Should any of you little ones wish to challenge her, she will be at this location at noon tomorrow. Do be warned that Ashura is not in the habit of showing mercy to her foes." She laughed as the miniature sun around her flared even brighter, until it suddenly dissipated, leaving Ashura nowhere to be seen.

Nabiki was the first to stand. "I'm going to call Kasumi and have her start calling for help. We're going to need everyone we can get on this one."

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For the readers' information:

WHO IS PANTYHOSE TARO?

Pantyhose Taro is a young Chinese man who, as a baby, was baptized by Happosai in the "spring of drowned yeti riding bull carrying crane and eel." This gave him a cursed form that is a minotaur-like monster, but with wings and an eel's tail. Happosai gave him the name "Pantyhose Taro", which he hated. Only Happosai, who gave him his name, could change it; so he came to Nerima in search of the old lecher, where he fought Ranma and friends. He later returned to Jusenkyo to splash his back with "spring of drowned octopus" water, which gave him giant tentacles; he then fought Happosai and the others again. In his final appearance in the series, he was attacked by an Indian girl named Rouge. She had fallen into a spring that turned her into Ashura, a three-headed six-armed flaming warrior demon of incredible power.

The reader may assume that this history from the original series happened in this alternate universe as well. For more information, the Pantyhose Taro FAQ by Blade is recommended.




Lili and Akane glared at each other with looks of mutual hurt. "I suppose you think this is funny, don't you," Akane said. "Well, enough is enough!"

"I told you. Why won't you believe me? I'm not this person you think I am. My name is Feng Lili."

"Fine. You be Feng Lili today if you want, Ranma. Maybe tomorrow I'll be Feng Lili. And maybe Feng Lili can explain to the officer here why we have to just let that monster go around destroying things, because the person who could have stopped it is pretending to be a scared little girl right now."

A voice came from the corridor. "Akane!"

"Ryoga?" Akane had not seen him for the past several weeks.

"Akane, Ranma's not acting. It's the curse! His Jusenkyo curse has taken him over! I was with him yesterday when it was happening!"

"So it's true." Everyone turned to see Nabiki, who had just come in the front door.

"What's true?" Akane asked in an irritated tone.

"I just checked our mailbox." Nabiki held up a letter. "This is from Cologne. She's closed up the Nekohanten and taken Shampoo and Mousse back to China. According to her, those two have both acquired the minds of their cursed forms. They're now a cat and a duck, mentally as well as physically. She says that it's the inevitable latter stage of the curses of Jusenkyo.

"She also says that the same thing was happening to Ranma. You're not talking to Ranma here. You're speaking to the girl who drowned in that spring hundreds of years ago. That girl's mind, or spirit, has taken over Ranma's body."

Lili jumped up from her chair. "NOOOOO!!!! That can't be right! This is ME!!"

She found a mirror and stared at herself in it. A thing like that just *couldn't* happen! But... was there any other explanation for the things that had happened? Was there any other way that this insane world, and the insane things that were happening to her in it, made sense?

Lili looked into the mirror, desperately looking for herself. A stranger stared back.

All of which went well over the head of officer Usugurai. "Folks, I don't want to be rude, but I need to know if you'll be able to help us with this monster or not. If not, I need to try to locate someone else who can."

"On the honor of the Anything Goes School, we will do what we can," Soun said, without optimism.

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This is a sequel (written with permission) to the story "Cursed" by Richard Lawson. "Cursed" is summarized below for the benefit of those who haven't read it, and a draft of it may be found in the various FFML archives (here is one). It was based on an idea from Benjamin Franz's story "Hello Again"; I highly recommend both of these fine works. "Hello Again" was in turn based on an episode of the Ranma 1/2 TV adaptation, which I don't really recommend, but which (the series, not the particular episode) was based on the manga by the esteemed Rumiko Takahashi-sama (which of course I also recommend, though I don't think you needed to hear that from me :)).

The characters of Ranma 1/2 are the creation of and rightful property of Rumiko Takahashi. They are used here without permission. This story may be freely redistributed, but it should not be altered substantially or used for profit in any way.

Comments, criticisms, and all other sorts of feedback are welcomed and appreciated!

WHAT HAS GONE BEFORE: Ranma awoke one day to find strange thoughts in his mind. There was someone else in his head; someone who was neat and tidy and disliked violence. Ranma sought out Cologne, only to find that Shampoo and Mousse were acting like their cat and duck cursed forms. This, Cologne said, was the second-stage result of their Jusenkyo curses. In the same way, Ranma's mind was being replaced by that of the girl who drowned at Jusenkyo fifteen hundred years ago. Cologne took Shampoo and Mousse back to China in hopes of finding a cure, while Ranma struggled inside to hold on to who and what he was -- a struggle that was abruptly cut short as Akane angrily splashed him with cold water.


PART ONE: LILI'S STORY

Feng Lili moved through the woods as quickly as she could, looking for a road or anything else that would show her the way out of the wilderness in which she was lost. The sky was darkening, and if she were not out of this woods by then, she would be spending the night. That thought terrified her. Alone here, her life expectancy was short. Her sixteen years of growing up as the daughter of a well-to-do merchant had given her little experience that would help her survive alone out here.

Lili wished this trip had not been necessary, but it had. This was a time of great turmoil in China. Her father had been forced to pack up his business and his family and move north to Xi'ning. Happily Yang Wei, the man who worked for her father, had come with them. He was a handsome man of noble bearing; Lili's fondest wish was to someday become his wife. Unfortunately, Yang Wei didn't seem to notice her much. Probably because of her unattractive scrawny body, she thought. To make up for that, she liked to make herself appealing by always dressing in fine clothes. She had also become an expert in cooking and all the other duties a good wife ought to be able to perform.

A gang of bandits attacked Lili's father's caravan, putting an end to her plans. She shuddered as she recalled how one of them chased her into the woods. Having heard tell of the things bandits would do to a captured young girl, she ran as fast and as far away as she could. Unfortunately, she never found her way back to the caravan, or even the road.

The sky was almost dark. Lili wandered into what seemed to be a clearing, framed by mountains on the other sides. She could barely see the moonlight reflecting off of something in the clearing. Water? A lake? She went in for a closer look.

Lili heard a sound and turned. A pudgy bald man in peasant clothes was standing next to her, close enough for her to smell his breath.

"Why have you come here?" the man said. "This is a dangerous place. It is very strange for you to be here."

Was there mockery in the man's voice? Or was that just the imagination of a frightened girl? Lili looked, trying to see what was so dangerous, but it had abruptly turned dark. "I'm lost! Can you show me the way to --" She turned back to the man, but he was gone without a trace.

Lili moved, trying to remember which way she had come, not wanting to
stay in such a place. She prayed to any gods that might be listening. She wanted to get out of this place. She wanted to be clean, with clean clothes, and not be a scrawny little kid anymore, and not need to be afraid, and marry Yang Wei, and have him protect her forever, and live a peaceful life far away from whatever horror there was here.

A misstep in the darkness plunged Lili into water. She fell, splashing around under water, desperately trying to hold her breath.

For her sixteen years of growing up as the daughter of a well-to-do merchant had given her little experience at swimming...

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For Upperclassman Kuno Tatewaki, it was a matter of honor.

Honor was the reason that he was there in the American city of Los Angeles, helping Tendo Akane to locate the missing Saotome Ranma. They had just found out that Saotome was in the city, and would be at their present location at noon. Tendo Akane had just finished dealing with some local miscreant youths, and was now waiting for Saotome to arrive.

It was the Upperclassman's twisted sister, Kodachi, who brought him the news: The Furinkan High School chemistry club had come across something new, something that she would be able to use in her mad pursuit of Saotome. Tatewaki took no interest in his sister's love life; his concern was for the Pig-tailed Girl.

The Pig-Tailed girl was somewhat of a woman of mystery. Kuno knew that she had adopted the same name as the cad Saotome Ranma. Why this was was part of her mystery. It was clear that Saotome had some sort of hold over her, some power to make the girl do his bidding. He had obviously forced her to give up her own name, whatever it had been, and take his in its stead. Kuno refused to accept this travesty, and so always simply referred to her as the Pig-tailed Girl.

When his sister had told him of the chemistry club's discovery, Tatewaki had located the wretch Gosunkugi Hikaru. He instructed Gosunkugi to investigate the situation, giving him money with which to purchase some of whatever the chem club had found, and instructing him to use it on Saotome to help liberate the Pig-tailed Girl.

Some time later, Kuno was informed that Saotome Ranma had departed to some unknown location, and that this departure was due to the influence of the chemistry club's secret substance. The Tendo family requested that Tatewaki join their quest to locate and rescue the missing Saotome. Honor compelled him to accept, pledging both his personal and financial resources to the cause.

Clearly, Upperclassman Kuno's actions had been dishonorable. The ends cannot justify the means. But what of the pig-tailed girl? Would it have been proper for Tatewaki to simply ignore her plight? Could he let her continue to suffer to satisfy his honor? He had been pondering this conundrum since he had left home.

Kuno saw Akane look down the street. Someone was coming towards her. Kuno moved around to get a look at who it was. When he saw, he gaped in disbelief, hoping that his eyes were deceiving him. He knew that they had the same name, but when he had been told that it was Saotome Ranma who was missing, he had assumed that they were referring to his nemesis. But there with Tendo Akane was the one whom he had harmed by his actions. Her hair hung loose, no longer in its characteristic braided style, but it was her.

It was the pig-tailed girl.

That day, Upperclassman Kuno Tatewaki had been given a lesson in honor.

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Ryoga Hibiki was in the United States. He didn't want to be there.

He had come as part of Akane's group to look for Ranma. Nabiki had found information that suggested that he might have come to Los Angeles. How he could've gotten there no one knew, least of all Ryoga. But if there was the possibility, then they had to check.

Ryoga was one of the many who had volunteered to go look for Ranma. After all, what had happened was his fault as much as anyone's. The first time there had been a possible clue to Ranma's whereabouts, everyone wanted to go and look. Nabiki, ever the pragmatist, suggested they split into two teams. In case of a false lead (as the first one in fact turned out to be), that would leave another group in reserve to go check out the next possibility.

This time it was Ryoga's turn to go. He was there along with Akane, Doctor Tofu, and Tatewaki Kuno.

Kuno had dressed to fit the place they were going, in a sportcoat and tie. He had been uncharacteristically quiet since leaving home. He had spent most of the travel time across the ocean meditating. Ryoga had never known the upperclassman to speak so little. Kuno did have the advantage of being fluent in English, a legacy of a father with an insane fixation on the American island Hawaii.

Doctor Tofu wore a simple sweater that he said had been given to him by Kasumi. Tofu's usefulness to the group was obvious; not only were his medical skills the best in the business, but he was able to keep a clear head about him as long as Kasumi wasn't nearby. He could be counted on to keep his temper; the others in the entourage couldn't.

Ryoga's reason for being there was less clear. He could fight, but that was about it. If he ever got even slightly separated from the group, they would have to search for him as well. More likely they might just leave him behind, he thought. Not only that, but he was always a splash of water away from turning into P-chan. If Akane met her pet here, surely she would finally realize the truth.

Still, the whole mess was as much his responsibility as anybody's...

It was several weeks ago. A triumphant shout issued forth from the chemistry laboratory at Furinkan High School.

Shirai Satoru, the president of Furinkan's chemistry club, smiled with glee. "At long last! Combining the wonders of modern chemistry with ancient Chinese techniques, I have finally succeeded in synthesizing the legendary Compound X! With this, the chemistry club can..."

"Ancient Chinese secret, huh? What is Compound X, anyway?" Fuji Seiji was another club member, the club's notorious food mooch. He started to chow down on some rice dish that was obviously Satoru's while he awaited an explanation. What Satoru's experiments usually succeeded at doing was blowing up the laboratory, often taking out the entire wing of the school as well.

Before an explanation could be given, Ryoga entered. "Uh... sorry, wrong room," he said. He had blundered across Furinkan by chance, and had decided to stop to use the facilities. This room obviously wasn't the one he was looking for, but it was less embarrassing than the times he had walked into the ladies'.

Satoru ignored the Lost Boy for the moment. "That'll be eight hundred yen for the food, Seiji."

Seiji pulled out his wallet and handed over the requested amount of money. A moment later, he realized what he'd done. "HEY!"

"Hahaha! Such is the power of compound X! Just a small vial like this one makes its imbiber momentarily susceptible to verbal suggestions! With this, the chem club can..."

"You mean... I could tell Ranma to say he loves Shampoo? Or Kodachi? And he'd do it?"

"Simply pour the contents of this vial into his food!" Satoru said. Ryoga took the vial and found his way out of the room. The door closed behind him, then burst open again as a Chinese amazon in a waitress uniform appeared.

"Aiyaa!! Is true? You got Compound X?? Shampoo so happy! You give to Shampoo? Shampoo give boys delicious ramen dinner at restaurant tonight!" The boys handed over another vial. It was hard for a guy like Satoru to say no to a girl with a body like Shampoo's; Seiji just wanted the free meal.

"No matter!" Satoru struck a determined pose. "With what remains of our supply of Compound X, the chem club will..."

A voice from the window interrupted. "HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!!!"

And so it went. There was Happosai, hoping to get Ranma to model some of his lingere collection; Mousse; Gosunkugi; and probably several others that Ryoga didn't know about. If Ryoga had not been part of it, if he hadn't added his own contribution to Ranma's food, it probably wouldn't have made any difference. But "probably" wasn't good enough to ease Ryoga's conscience. His actions had hurt Akane. He had to try to make up for that.

Ryoga didn't want to be there. But he had to be.

Since the full story had become known, Akane had been obsessed with trying to find Ranma. At first Ryoga had thought that she was merely feeling guilty. She had, after all, been the one who made him leave. The time on the plane made him think differently...

They had been sitting with Tofu and Kuno. The flight attendant was offering them a choice of meals. Suddenly the old lecher, Happosai, jumped out of the bathroom. No one was sure how he had gotten on board; Ryoga thought he might have stolen Mousse's ticket. The old man landed on the attendant's chest, saying something to her about getting into an upright locked position.

Akane grabbed him by his shirt. Ryoga had never seen her move so quickly.

"I'm going to find Ranma," she said to Happosai emphatically, paralyzing him with a cold glare. "You can either help, or stay out of the way. But if you get in my way I will *kill you*."

It might have been almost laughable. Happosai was a nearly unbeatable martial arts master, and Akane had a reputation as one of the school's weakest students. But he looked into her eyes...

She was not exaggerating.

She was not bluffing.

The old man faded back to his seat and sat quietly for the rest of the flight.

That was when Ryoga knew that it was more than guilt that was driving Akane onward.

And Ryoga realized something else...

This was the first time Ranma had been lost, and Akane was searching the world over. She was not going to rest until he was found.

Ryoga had been lost hundreds of times. Nobody had ever come looking for him. Akane had never come looking for him.

Ryoga didn't want to be there.

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I REPEAT: This is intended as grim & gritty urban drama. To
those who stick around, I promise a happy ending for our main Ranma
characters; but in the meantime, there will be lots of not-so-nice stuff
going on. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Regarding the new character introduced in this section, please
read the disclaimer at the end.





"She's dead! Ewwwww!" someone in the crowd said.

Doctor Yafuso struggled to make his way through the crowd of bystanders that had gathered. He had to get a look for himself.

"I think she starved to death," someone else said.

"Omigod! She should've gone to the mission down the block. They would've given her food."

"Maybe she didn't know that."

Yafuso circled around to try to get closer. He had just heard it on the radio: A homeless woman had been found dead. No details given. Was it the girl called Akane? Could he have saved her if he'd asked her to stay at his apartment? He had to know.

The doctor stood on his toes and looked over the heads of the people in front of him. It wasn't her. It was a different woman. A homeless woman who wasn't Akane had died.

Not something he could be happy about.

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"Good morning, Doctor Yafuso! How are you today?"

"Morning, Joanie," Doctor Kenichi Yafuso said as he hung up his coat. He was a more or less average-looking Asian-American man, a little thin, wearing glasses, with a face that was pleasant if not handsome. "Not too bad. Got followed home by an anti-abortion protestor yesterday. What surprises have you got for me today?" Working at a clinic in South Central Los Angeles, one never really knew what to expect.

"Um, Mr. Johnson is in examining room four. He's due to get his cast off today," Joanie said. She was the clinic's receptionist, young, blond haired, and always cheerful. Yafuso wasn't sure what she did for a living; her work at the clinic was on an unpaid volunteer basis.

Yafuso headed down the corridor to examining room four. "Oh, one other thing..." Joanie called after him, as he entered the room. There, in addition to his patient, was a woman. She was also Asian, and slender, even moreso that the doctor. She was pretty, in a way more like a child than a woman.

"Sumiko." Yafuso was poker-faced.

"... your fiancee is here," Joanie finished.

"Ken, we need to talk," his fiancee said. Yafuso knew this would be nothing he wanted to hear.

"Can't it wait? I'm on duty." The doctor turned to his patient, a black man of middle age. The man's left leg was in a cast, and much of the rest of his body was badly bruised. "Hi, Willis."

"Hi, Doc. How's the leg look?"

"I'm only qualified to rate womens' legs." Yafuso gave a wry grin. Johnson gave a long, slow laugh. "Maybe you should ask Sumiko." Sumiko was not amused.

"Call me Susan," the woman said.

"I need to take you over for X-Rays. If everything's OK, you can get your cast off today."

"He was beaten?" Susan asked. "Have you notified the Police?"

"You don't get down to South Central that much, do you. Who do you think it was that beat him?"

"No I don't," Susan answered, ignoring Yafuso's last question. "And I'm quite happy about it!" She tried not to look at Johnson. "Anyway, I spoke with Dr. Saxon. Here's his card. He's head of general surgery over at Lakeview Hospital. He's sure he can get you a position there! Isn't that wonderful?"

"What about my patients here?" the doctor asked.

"Somebody will take care of them." Susan paused awkwardly, thinking of what to say next. "Ken, you're a good doctor! You don't belong here! You don't deserve to have to put up with this kind of life! And what about me? Do you think I want to get married to you, knowing that any night you might not come home? That they might call me and tell me that my husband was killed in a drive-by shooting?"

"Call me Kenichi," Yafuso said. His fiancee departed, looking somewhat irritated.

Yafuso turned back to Johnson, a little embarrassed. "I'm going to have the nurse take you over for some X-Rays."

"Aren't you taking me there yourself, Doc?" asked Johnson.

"No." The doctor gave Johnson a reassuring touch on the shoulder. "I'm staying here."

These days, Kenichi had been getting nothing but trouble from Sumiko... er, Susan. Sweet Sue, his angel, as he used to call her. He knew that she was, deep down, a kind person; but she wanted to live a life where everything went smoothly, nothing ever went wrong, a life free from trouble. An angel had to have her heaven. Kenichi wasn't ready for heaven, though. He knew that trouble happened, and you just had to deal with it at the time. Besides, the people here were his friends, and he couldn't just leave them behind.

Maybe he didn't deserve this kind of life; did anyone? And he could make it better for some of them.

Of course, there was one person who really didn't seem to belong here, Kenichi thought as he walked through the patient ward to one particular location.

"How are you today?" the doctor asked, in Japanese.

"I'm fine, Doc," the girl said. "Can I go now? Thanks for all the food. It wasn't the best, but I was sure hungry!"

"You were suffering from severe malnutrition when you were found. We had to feed you intravenously for a little while. Do you remember what you were doing before you were here?"

"A little. Kinda like a dream. I remember running around outside... there was a fight... before that, I was in a dark place..."

"And before that?"

"Nothing."

"You don't remember anything at all?"

"Nope. I don't know where I'm from, or what I did, or even what my name is."

"When you were asleep, you said the name 'Akane' a couple of times. Do you think that could be your name?"

"Don't know. Could be. It gives me... kind of a sad feeling... to think about it."

"You may have suffered some sort of traumatic experience that made you block out your memories. Though we did find traces of some unusual drug in your bloodstream, one that we couldn't identify. That could have something to do with it. Have you been using drugs?"

"Not that I can remember."

"Oh, that's right. I forgot about that." The humor was unintentional, but the two laughed anyway. "I've got to go talk to our administrator. Don't go anywhere."

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LOST

A Ranma 1/2 manga fanfiction
by Gary Kleppe

WARNING: This is intended as grim & gritty urban drama. It deals with so-called mature subject matters. Violence, and the after-effects of violence, are depicted in a manner that attempts to be realistic. There is also language that some might find offensive. To those who stick around, I promise a more or less happy ending; but in the meantime, there will be lots of unpleasantness. Don't say I didn't warn you.

The dialog in this story will bounce around from English to "Japlish" (Japanese dubbed into English), generally without notice. This story is based on the manga rather than the anime. Thus there is no Sasuke, all the regulars are black-haired, etc. An exception to this is that one group of minor characters who were only in the anime do appear in this story.

The characters of Ranma 1/2 are the creation of and rightful property of Rumiko Takahashi. They are used here without permission. This story may be freely redistributed, but it should not be altered substantially or used for profit in any way.


PROLOGUE

The girl sat quietly in the darkness and waited.

She had been there for days, perhaps weeks, leaving the closet only a couple of times during the trip to scavenge for food and drinking water. In the closet there was no way to tell night from day. The girl did not know how much time had passed. Nor did she care. In her mind there was only one thought.

(get away get as far away as you can so they'll never find you)

It was a voice that spoke from deep within, speaking commands that had to be obeyed, and drowning out all other feeling and purpose. Not quite all; there were still the vestiges of a deep sadness, one that threatened to become overwhelming whenever the girl almost remembered why she had gone and what she had left behind.

She was on a ship; she was conscious of that much. The ship had been headed across the Pacific, and the girl had stowed herself away on board. Not a good way to travel, but any other way they might have been able to track her down. That couldn't be allowed to happen. She really didn't remember or even care to think about why it was so important. She just couldn't let them find her.

The girl sat quietly in the darkness and waited.

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I woke up to the sight of Akane's face. It was red, as if she'd been crying. "Ranma! I'm so sorry!" she said.

I tried to move, and found that I couldn't. My back and head were strapped to some weird contraption. My instinctive response was to try to bust out of it.

Kasumi leaned over and held my hand. "You're going to be all right, Ranma. Please don't try to move. You need to stay in bed until the doctor says it's okay for you to get up." She gave me a smile, the same one that I'd seen from her a hundred times before, but somehow it told me that I really would be all right.

From the bed I was in, and the dumb-looking thing I was wearing, I realized that I was in the hospital. Kasumi turned my bed so I faced the front, and I could see Pop, Mr. Tendo, and Nabiki.

Mr. Tendo could barely contain himself. "He's going to be all right!!" he said, crying tears of joy.

"Of course he is, he's my son!" Pop said confidently.

"Absolutely," said Nabiki. "I've got Ranma for a full recovery within two weeks at five to one odds." I hoped she was joking. I'd hate to think who it was that bet against me.

Akane just repeated how sorry she was. Then I remembered that it wasn't her who did this to me. It had been Dr. Tofu. He had had his arms around my neck when he had turned to see Kasumi. Then I had felt something snap...

A small, elderly woman entered. "I am Kin Ono," she said to me. "My son is Doctor Tofu Ono. My son wants you to know that he deeply regrets what happened to you, Ranma. He was not in control of himself. He has gone to seek help from his martial arts master. He has asked me to make sure that you receive the best medical care possible, and I will do just that."

"I think I speak for everyone here when I say we bear no ill will toward your son, ma'am. None of us blame him for what happened," said Mr. Tendo. I tried to nod in assent but couldn't. I looked at Akane. It was obvious that it wasn't Tofu that she blamed, either.

A man wearing a lab coat came in the room, and everyone immediately cleared a path to my bed for him. "I am Doctor Eryu Hu," the small-faced man said, his voice betraying a trace of Chinese accent. "How are you feeling, Ranma?"

"Okay, I guess. Can I get out of this dumb thing, Doc?"

The doctor gave a friendly chuckle. "Not yet, I'm afraid. In another few days, we'll run some tests. If all goes well, you should be out of your supports after that, and on your way back to a normal life."

"Normal as in normal for me? Or just normal?" I asked. Two very different things.

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"Pig-tailed girl! I would date with you!"

Upperclassman Kuno handed me a bouquet of flowers. In return I gave him a boot in the face, sending him flying down the street.

"Man, what a loser." I went into the dojo in search of a kettle of hot water. "It was bad enough when he kept challenging me to fights. Now this. I think I could live the rest of my life without hearing 'Pig-tailed girl' from that jerk."

"I think he likes you, Ranma. Show some gratitude. Give him a nice hug," said Akane. She was in her leotard, practicing for her upcoming gymnastics match against the Upperclassman's twisted sister, Kodachi the Black Rose.

I poured hot water over myself and regained my manhood. "Hey, can I help it if I'm cuter than you, Akane? I didn't see him bringing *you* flowers today." Growing up going to an all-boys school, I had learned that the best way to put a stop to insults is to step on a sensitive spot of the person doing the insulting. Unfortunately, if that person happens to be the violent type, things can get ugly. Akane grabbed me by the front of my shirt.

"Akane, no!"

"Kasumi?"

"Akane, if Ranma is to be my fiance, then you aren't to hit him."

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"Goodness, look! A postcard from Fathers!"

Kasumi handed me a card. A picture of some nubile scantily-clad woman was on the front, an advertisement for some beach resort. I turned the card over and recognized Mr. Tendo's writing.

"The master's retraining program is proving especially rigorous. He's been demonstrating to us the Anything Goes Bikini String Pull attack. He builds our stamina and determination by allowing us to deal with the angry crowds of women that are the inevitable result. The master has also been kind enough to allow us to work at the resort to pay for his meals and his liquor consumption. We are proud to partake of his genius.'

"My, it almost makes you wish you were there!" Kasumi said with a grin.

"Heh. I'd have to be an idiot to want to be there." Pop and Mr. Tendo just couldn't ever say no to that old freak. Happosai didn't have much time left. He was doing what he thought might be his last romp before going to that great big house of naughty pleasures in the sky. Not a guy I wanted to be around. Although if I did go, I thought, I'd show Master Happosai how I partake of his genius. I'd partake my fist right in his genius face...

"Hey, Kasumi, do you want to do something tonight?"

"I am going to be doing something tonight, Ranma. I've got the laundry to do, and the floors, and..."

"No, I mean, y'know, go out and do something for fun."

"That new equipment for the dojo needs to be picked up tonight, Ranma."

"Oh yeah." Always something to do.

Kasumi picked up her empty teacup and mine and took them into the kitchen. I had a little while before my first student would be in today, so I settled down to read the paper. The headline caught my eye: 'Martial Artists Defeat Mysterious Creature'.

According to the paper, some sort of ice demon had been on a rampage across Tokyo. The team led by Akane and Ryoga had taken it on and eventually destroyed it. There was a picture of 'Ms. Tendo's pet P-chan' saving some old woman from drowning in all the melted ice from the battle. It figured that the news media would be the last to know that P-chan was really Ryoga.

My mind went back to the first time I saw Akane fight...

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A PEACEFUL LIFE

An alternate universe Ranma 1/2 manga fanfiction
by Gary Kleppe

Any comments of any type will be appreciated.

The characters of Ranma 1/2 are the creation of and rightful
property of Rumiko Takahashi. They are used here without permission. This story may be freely redistributed, but it should not be altered
substantially or used for profit in any way.


Part 1: Ranma's Choice

*********

"I'm Ranma Saotome," I said. "My wife and I run the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. We took over the school from our fathers when we got married."

"Pleased to meet you, Saotome-Sensei," the woman said with practiced politeness. "I am Tanaka Ritsuko. My son Kota is interested in taking some lessons from your school."

"You bet!" said the little kid. "I want to study from Akane Tendo. I've seen her on the TV news. She kicks a--" His mother cut him off, still smiling and trying not to show how embarrassed she was. I tried not to chuckle.

"You're gonna have to study from me first, sport," I said. "Akane teaches the advanced classes. It'll be a while before you're ready for that." My ego was still a little bruised by being reminded of this, even after all this time. But that's the way it had to be. I couldn't take chances
after my injury...

"I'm sorry, Sensei." Mrs. Tanaka was probably working hard to resist the urge to clobber her son. Having kids of my own, I knew what that was like, but I also knew how much fun they could be. "Kota, you are going to have to show proper respect for Saotome-Sensei and his wife, or you won't be able to take lessons from them."

"Hey, don't worry about it," I said. "Actually, though, Akane isn't my wife," I said. "She's my sister in law." Mrs. Tanaka apologized to me again. At that time my wife came in, carrying our youngest and two bags of groceries. I took the groceries from her, and she gave me a peck on the cheek like she always did. She gave a big smile to our visitors.

"Why hello! You must be Mrs. Tanaka and Kota! We spoke on the telephone. I'm Ranma's wife. My name is Kasumi!"

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SHE KNOWS?

a Ranma 1/2 Fanfic
by

Gary Kleppe

Part 2 of 2

This fanfic is brought to you by America's only chain of Italian Restaurants and Kendo Halls: PIZZERIA KUNO! Heh, get it, it's a pun on Pizzeria Uno, a real restaurant chain... um, try the principal's Hawaiian pizza, or try Kodachi's special, 90 percent guaranteed to have no lingering side effects... (let's just start the fic, shall we...)

The characters of Ranma 1/2 are the creation of and rightful property of Rumiko Takahashi. They are used here without permission. This story may be freely redistributed, but it should not be altered substantially or used for profit in any way.


*******


Akane unscrewed the top of her small thermos bottle, revealing a quantity of hot water. She moved over to the small piglet on her bed and poured the water on top of him, careful not to wet the bed. The piglet turned into the familiar figure of Ryoga Hibiki.

He lay on Akane's bed wearing his familiar headband and nothing else.

Akane leaned over him and gave him a long, slow kiss. She pulled back with a smile. "Hey there, pig boy."

Ryoga was unrelaxed. "I think Ranma is starting to suspect something."

"That idiot? He'll never figure anything out. I've done everything I could think of to get rid of him. I've slugged him, malleted him, I even make him eat pig slop for food! Pig slop, get it?" Akane said with a laugh. "He just won't take the hint."

"Maybe I could try to beat him up again" offered Ryoga. "What should my excuse be this time?"

Akane put her arms around Ryoga and smiled. "We just have to be patient. My dad wants me to marry Ranma. How could he think I could ever like a half-man like him? But if dad ever found out about us..."

"As long as we can have these moments together, I'm happy," said Ryoga. "Let me show you what a whole man is like..."

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SHE KNOWS?

a Ranma 1/2 Fanfic
by

Gary Kleppe

Part 1 of 2

This fanfic is brought to you by SPATULA CITY. Satisfied customer Ukyo Kuonji says, "Ever since I saw that Weird Al movie, I've always gone to Spatula City for all my spatula needs. They carry everything from huge combat spatulas, to little razor-sharp throwing spatulas. Whether I'm using them to lovingly bop Ran-chan on the noggin, or to help Tsubasa find his way out of my shop, I know that I'm using the best."

The characters of Ranma 1/2 are the creation of and rightful property of Rumiko Takahashi. They are used here without permission. This story may be freely redistributed, but it should not be altered substantially or used for profit in any way.

This story takes place before the introduction of Akari.

*******

"I hate you!" Akane screamed. "All this time you've been deceiving me! Taking advantage of me! Get away from me! You lying, perverted bastard! I never want to see you again! Do you understand? If I see you again I'll kill you! I hate you and I'll hate you for the rest of my life!"

The scene ran itself over and over through Ryoga's imagination as he walked. He was sure that someday it would really happen. What had he done to deserve this? Being cursed to turn into a piglet was bad enough. But now Akane. The most beautiful person he had ever known, not only in appearance but in spirit as well. The one who had given love and affection to him as her pet P-chan, affection that he had never known as himself.

Ryoga looked up at the prematurely gray afternoon sky. It matched what he was feeling inside. He desperately wanted to find Akane and tell her everything. Tell her how he felt about her, about P-chan, everything. But he couldn't. He had been deceiving her for so long that she would rightfully hate him for it if he told her. He had had his chance in the beginning. If he had had the courage to tell her from the start... But now there was nothing he could do. He had dug himself into a hole, and the only thing he could do was to keep digging deeper.

The sky turned darker and rumbled. Ryoga had sacrificed his umbrella a few days ago to get away from Azusa. He knew that if he didn't find shelter soon, P-chan would be making an unscheduled appearance. First he needed to find out where he was. It was obviously a major city. Judging by the size of what he had seen so far, it seemed big enough that it had to be Nagoya or Osaka, but surely he'd walked farther than that by now? At least being this far lost, he didn't need to worry about Akane finding out his secret for now.

"I HATE YOU!" The scene started up in Ryoga's mind again. Perhaps it was the reason he could never seem to concentrate on finding his way to where he was going. "I HATE YOU!" Akane. He could hear Akane's voice in his mind as clearly as if she were right around the corner...

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THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD -- THE BLOOPERS

(Reel 1)

PROLOGUE

(The scene is somewhere in rural China. It is a desolate, mountainous area. A caption reads "Rural China, several months ago". A young man, somewhat thin in shabby peasant clothes, is standing as if waiting for something. He spots it, namely an ordinary-looking young woman. They run toward each other as if about to embrace each other. They have lovesick expressions on their faces.)

Man: Chu Mai!

Woman: Yu Ren! (They embrace and kiss each other.) {You came!}

Man: Huh huh huh huh huh she said "came"...

Director: CUT! I hate working with guest actors...

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(Back at Ikkoku, Kyoko and Yusaku are in Kyoko's room. They are relaxing and sipping beverages.)

Kyoko: ... so Ms. Liang was really Ranma all along?

Yusaku: Yeah, using a fake name to catch the killer.

Kyoko: So I guess she, I mean he, will be leaving. Mermaid flesh, cursed springs, I never dreamed such things existed! I guess I'll be glad to see things get back to normal around here. (She notices Yotsuya peeping in through the door, which had been left ajar. She slams it shut on him.) Well, as normal as they ever GET around here...

Yusaku: I got off pretty lucky. Only a few bruises.

Kyoko: The doctor said I didn't have a scratch. Isn't that strange? I thought that murderer had almost finished me. Yusaku, were you really going to kill him? (takes a drink)

Yusaku: I don't know. It was like I lost control of myself. I've never wanted to kill anybody. But when I thought about you dying... nothing else seemed to matter. What was it like when you were... almost dead?

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(Ryoga gets to the entrance to Maison Ikkoku.)

Ryoga: I actually made it! I'm here! ... Now which room is Ranma in?

(Cut to Yusaku at Soichiro's grave, holding the Mermaid's Heart crystal.)

Yusaku: That old lady said to concentrate on the crystal and it would work. Okay, Soichiro, old buddy. Looks like you win after all. Funny losing out to a dead guy. I finally get to see what you look like. You better take good care of Kyoko, or I'll come and put you back where I found you, hear me? OK, come on, get out of there... (some passers-by stare at Yusaku as if he were crazy. Yusaku concentrates, but nothing happens) GET OUT HERE, YOU JERK! DO I HAVE TO DIG YOU UP MYSELF?!?

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(Kasumi and Kentaro are walking.)

Kasumi: I'm sorry you couldn't get your martial arts lesson today, Kentaro. Father and Mr. Saotome were called away on an emergency.

Kentaro: That's okay. Thanks for walking me to the train station, Miss Kasumi.

Kasumi: You're welcome.

Kentaro: You don't drink, do you, Miss Kasumi?

Kasumi: Of course I do. Everyone should drink at least four glasses a day.

Kentaro: No, I mean alcohol. Beer, saki, stuff like that.

Kasumi: Oh my, no.

Kentaro: You'd make a great mother. My mom drinks all the time. You don't know what it's like to have a mother like that.

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(At the Cat Cafe, Shampoo is cleaning up the kitchen. She sees a figure watching her from the shadows...)

Shampoo: MOUSSE! You keep sneaking around Shampoo, she have to hurt you!

(The figure suddenly steps out of the shadows. It's not Mousse. It is a muscular humanoid figure, about 8 feet tall with a hunched back. Its flesh is grey colored and covered with visible blood vessels. It has very large bulging eyes, and a reptilian mouth with finely spaced pointy teeth. It has three clawed fingers on each hand. The left hand holds a nasty looking knife. It makes a hissing sound like a snake. Naturally, Shampoo is surprised. The monster grabs her and moves its knife in for the kill.)

Monster: {CHU MAI... YOU MUST DIE!}

Shampoo: {Shampoo won't be killed so easily, you foul demon!}

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(Back at Ikkoku, Akane is cooking while Ranma, now in girl form, looks on. Akane seems contented.)

Akane: There, it's finished! Just let it simmer for a moment.

Ranma:

(Above, Yusaku is in his room with Yotsuya. The hole in the floor has been covered by a piece of plywood, the repair job obviously unfinished.)

Yotsuya: Should you not be at the tennis courts, cheering your stalwart champion to victory?

Yusaku: The match isn't until 2. Shouldn't you be in your own room?

Yotsuya: Until 2, you say. And in the meantime, the lovely young ladies seem to be fixing an elegant repast.

Yusaku: Don't even think about it. Liang told me she was going to make sure that this time you weren't going to get any of her meal. I need to go make a phone call. When I get back I want you out of my room!

(Yusaku goes downstairs to Kyoko's room.)

Yusaku: Mind if I use your phone? Liang is expecting a call on the house phone.

Kyoko: OK, help yourself. I need to run down to the laundromat.

Yusaku: Thanks.

(He goes into her room and dials. The house phone starts ringing. Mrs. Ichinose comes out and answers it.)

Ichinose: Hello, Maison Ikkoku.

Yusaku: Ahem... (disguising his voice) I would like to speak with Ms. Liang, please.

Ichinose (shouting): MS. LIANG! TELEPHONE!

(Ranma comes out of his room, pulling Akane along.)

Ranma: Come on, Akane, this might be somebody who spotted the killer!

Ichinose: I think it's Yusaku.

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(After getting home quite late at night, Ranma is trying to sleep.)

Ranma: <Geez, what an obnoxious bunch... >

(He drifts off, until loud banging sounds from above wake him up. He looks above to see that repairmen are working on the hole between Yusaku's room and his. We also see that Yusaku is sitting up, still in shock from what happened last night.)

Repairman (to his assistant): Hand me my saw. No, not that, that's a hammer.

Ranma: Can't you do that later, or something?

Repairman: 'fraid not. We got two other jobs to get to today after this. (to Yusaku) Hope you don't mind, pal. (to assistant) No, a saw! A saw! That's a flashlight.

Yusaku: No dream. Slap! Married woman. Hello.

Repairman: Rough night last night, pal?

Yusaku: Kiss. No kiss. Who knew? No knew. Slap! (staggers out of room)

Repairman: (looking at Yusaku) That guy's got to be the most out-of-it person in the world. No! That's a screwdriver! Well maybe second most...

(The sleepy-eyed Ranma goes into the bathroom, where Yusaku and Akemi are brushing their teeth. Ranma starts to do same. Yusaku looks at Ranma and spits out the rinse water he had in his mouth in shock. Ranma suddenly realizes that it's because he's shirtless and in girl form.)

Yusaku: Uh... your chest...

Ranma: <Oh shit, I didn't even think about that...>

Akemi: Actually, it IS kind of hot today...

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(We see (female) Ranma at the MI public phone, stomach grumbling.)

Ranma: <Damn that Yotsuya, eating all my dinner! Maybe this isn't a good idea, but...> Yo, Shampoo! Send me over something to eat, willya? HUH? Why not?

(Now we see Ranma bounding around town. We also see an image of Shampoo in the background, indicating Ranma's memory of what she just told her.)

Shampoo (memory): Great-grandmother out of town now. Mousse and I have to stay here to run restaurant. If you want food you need to come here to get it!

Ranma (memory): OK, but no little surprises this time like you tried this morning. Nothing weird in the food. Promise?

Shampoo (memory): OK.

Ranma: <Well, at least it gets me away from those people for a while.>

(Ranma, now outside the Cat Cafe, sees a mental image of Kuno, Kodachi, Happosai, Cologne, and Ryoga. As he makes the following observation, the image changes to Mitaka, Mrs. Ichinose, Yotsuya, Akemi, and Yusaku:)

Ranma: Although compared to some of the jerks I usually have to deal with, those Ikkoku people aren't so weird I guess.

(Ranma does a classic face-fault as he notices that the people in the latter mental image are actually present.)

Yotsuya: How nice to be appreciated.

Mrs. Ichinose: Makes you feel warm all over, don't it.

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(Ranma [still in girl form] and Yusaku are eating lunch at a cafe. It's raining outside.)

Ranma: Thanks for showing me this place to eat!

Yusaku: No problem. I'm only too glad to see you make a fool of that asshole Mitaka in front of Kyoko!

Ranma: You and this guy are both interested in her?

Yusaku: Yeah. Ever since I moved into Ikkoku, I've been in love with Kyoko. All I can think about is how I want to graduate, then marry her and start a family.

Ranma: Sounds like you've got your future all planned out.

Yusaku: I guess so. How about you? What will you be doing ten years from now?

Ranma: (thinks for a moment) No idea.

Yusaku: Really?

Ranma: Right now I have enough trouble trying to deal with the present.

Waitress: Tea, sir?

Yusaku: Yes, please.

Ranma: <At least when I'm already a girl, I can walk here in the rain. When I'm a guy, there's always somebody throwing water around or something, and I get hit by it every time. Now I don't have to worry...>

(The waitress accidentally spills hot tea on Ranma, who goes back to male form.)

Ranma: YAaaaahh!!

Waitress: Oh! I'm terribly sorry ma'am .. I mean, sir! (Goes to get something to clean it with)

Yusaku: ...

Ranma: ...

Yusaku: Who are you?

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(Yusaku is in his apartment, obviously trying to sleep but not able to because of very loud snoring noises coming from the new hole in his floor. He has his pillow over his ears but it doesn't seem to help. Light begins to peek through the window.)

Yusaku: Geez... how long is this going to go on?

(Down below, we see that sleeping girl-Ranma is the cause of the snoring. He is suddenly hit with hot water and awakes with a start in male form. We see Shampoo standing over him with a kettle of water.)

Shampoo: Ni hao!

Ranma: Shampoo! What the heck are you doing here?

Shampoo: Shampoo bring breakfast! Hot dumplings and tea! (notices Akane sleeping on the floor) Aiyaa! Akane spend night here with you?

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Part 2: PARTY CRASHER

(Back at Ikkoku, Ranma and Akane are in Ranma's room. Ranma's furnishings [what little he has] have been put in their appropriate places. Ranma and Akane are looking at a small device with a speaker on a table in the room. Ranma has already switched to informal dressing mode, still in girl form.)

Ranma: Is this the two-way radio thing that Mr. Qian paid for?

Akane: Yup. It broadcasts to another one in a nearby building. Our dads and I will take shifts sitting at the other end. If the killer comes, just yell into it and we'll be on our way.

Ranma: Akane, you've seen what this killer does to women. If he shows up, I don't want you anywhere near him until he's beaten.

Akane: So you don't trust me to take care of myself?

Ranma: Not against this thing, I don't!

Akane: I can take care of myself just as well as you can, Ranma.

Ranma: Akane, I told you, you can't even boil water.

Akane: Oh yeah? You can't touch boiling water without blowing your cover! How are you going to explain it if they see a male version of you walking around?

Ranma: Hey, I got it covered. You'll see. (Leaves the room)

Akane: Ooooohhh... Men! (she picks up the radio device and puts it right up to her mouth, like a microphone. Then she shouts very loudly) Men are ALL JERKS!!!!!!!!!!

(Cut to a small, bare room. Soun Tendo is sitting at a desk. He is wearing a pair of headphones. His eyes are wide, and he is holding his ears in pain.)

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(We see the familiar interior of Maison Ikkoku. We see the usual smiling face of Kyoko Otonashi. A caption reads "Maison Ikkoku. The present.")

Kyoko: I just spoke to my father-in-law. Someone has arranged to rent room 2. A young woman who recently came over from China. Her name is Liang Ye Ma. She'll be attending the University in the fall, and needs a place to stay until then.

(We see that it is Akemi, Yotsuya, and Mrs. Ichinose that she is talking to.)

Akemi: Let's hope Yusaku can keep his hot little hands off her.

Yotsuya: Indeed. A man who has been deprived for as long as he has might feel the need to take advantage of any opportunity that presents itself.

Mrs. Ichinose: A poor foriegn girl might not be able to defend herself against a guy like him.

Kyoko (visibly annoyed): Yusaku isn't like that! Anyway, this girl is supposed to be a martial artist. She can take care of herself.

Mrs. Ichinose: Okay, but she still might not be as good at saying NO as some people around here...

Kyoko: What's that supposed to mean?

Akemi (to Yotsuya): Touchy, ain't she? Why does she take everything so seriously?

Mrs. Ichinose: It's not easy being the jealous type.

Kyoko: Why would I be jealous over Yusaku? I'm a married woman. What he does is none of my business.

Yusaku: (from out of shot) Hey, Kyoko! (sticks his head in through the door) That girl you're expecting? She's here.

(Two women walk up carrying luggage and such. We see that they are Ranma Saotome [in girl form] and Akane Tendo. Ranma is in his formal dress, his 1970's style Chinese "people's jacket" and cap with star.)

Kyoko (to Ranma): Welcome to Maison Ikkoku! I'm the resident manager, Kyoko Otonashi. You must be Ms. Liang, the martial artist?

Ranma: Uh huh, pleased to meetcha. This is my friend and ... um ... sparring partner, Akane Tendo. She's helping me move.

Akane: Hello!

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THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD!

a Triple Takahashi Crossover
by
Gary Kleppe

This is a Ranma 1/2 / Maison Ikkoku crossover, with some elements of the Mermaid saga thrown in. I am not using any characters from the Mermaid books, just the existence of the mermaid flesh and its various possible effects. If you're not familiar with Ranma and/or MI, you should probably look over some of the web pages for these series for information on the characters. Don't worry if you don't know the Mermaid series, everything you need to know is explained in this story eventually.

The characters and backstory of Ranma 1/2, Maison Ikkoku, and the Mermaid series are the creations of and rightful property of Rumiko Takahashi. (The same goes for the characters from other Takahashi series and one-shots who make cameo appearances herein.)

This fanfic may be copied and redistributed freely, but it is not to be substantially altered or used for profit in any way. Comment, criticize, flame if you must, any response will be appreciated.

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